Note: One major player whose name I've omitted throughout this site is the Director of Clinical Practice (or something like that). I usually spell out the whole title, but here she's just DCP.

Grievance #4: Unwarranted “Concern” about Suitability

The most severe harassment has come from Dr. Lotan’s pursuit of a charge that I am “unsuited for the practice of teaching”.

11/17 Meeting

As described in the previous section, Dr. Lotan met with me on 11/17 about my classroom management plan and “other issues”. In that meeting, she expressed severe concerns about my professionalism, based solely on my opinions in that document, told me briefly that “a few” students had complained about me, but acknowledged that many students liked and respected me. She told me that she was concerned that I never seemed to change my views, that I didn’t “seem interested in learning”. I told her that I had pretty strong opinions about teaching, but that while she might not think I was learning, I was learning in my own way. I strongly objected to her making conclusions about my professionalism based solely on what she read in a document—and for that matter, contested her conclusions about my opinions based on her reading of the document. Dr. Lotan and DCP (who also attended) appear incapable of comprehending that I am learning a lot, even if I disagree with most STEP practices (heterogeneous classrooms, discovery-based learning, student-centered instruction).

Morever, both expressed unhappiness that I have not changed my views despite the class readings. With the exception of the Classroom Management Plan and my practicum grade, I have never been academically penalized for my views in STEP classes. However, Dr. Lotan and DCP both expressed the expectation that I should reconsider my views, and that failing to do so was evidence that I wasn’t interested in learning.

I am, I believe, the STEP candidate most informed about educational policy and the existing debates. No one can (or has) seriously argue that my views aren’t shaped by extensive reading and experience. Yet Dr. Lotan and DCP are distressed because I am “closed to new opinions”. I am, in fact, no more “closed” to new opinions than Dr. Lotan or DCP are.

I am certain that STEP candidates who enter the program in agreement with STEP philosophy are not asked to reconsider their views. For example, no one at STEP has ever been asked to seriously consider the advantages of tracking (which Dr. Lotan personally supports in some situations), or is held as “inflexible” if their reading on the subject doesn’t change their views. No one is asked to reconsider their opinion if they believe that discovery-based learning is better than direct teaching. We are told explicitly in many classes that STEP practices are the only acceptable way to view teaching, and are rarely even provided with alternate views. No one else is seriously challenged for holding onto views they had upon entering STEP. Only I am charged with resistance and inflexibility, because I am the only one who doesn‘t agree with STEP philosophy.

Dr. Lotan also expressed concerns that can only be described as “brand management”. She wondered aloud what would happen when a principal hired me and discovered that I had views that weren’t in alignment with STEP, and expressed the fear that the principal would refuse to hire other STEP graduates after having a negative experience with me and my views.

I had two responses to her contemplative remarks on this last front. First, I observed that yes, she had indeed opened herself up to that possibility when she admitted me, something she knew full well back in April. (That is, after all, why she tried to deceive her way into rescinding my admission.) I then pointed out that such fears were undoubtedly groundless, as I would never be interested in working for a school that practiced the more extreme of STEP views, and that any school less devoted to STEP preferences would not have such extreme and rigid preferences.

As I wrote earlier, I came out of the 11/17 meeting quite convinced that Dr. Lotan was trying to convince me to leave at the quarter. At the same time, I must stress that none of the issues raised in this meeting were mentioned or referenced in Dr. Lotan’s “concerns” letter.

Two days later, I had an extremely distressing meeting with [Supervisor], my supervisor (described in previous section). I contacted Dr. Rasch again, telling him in a meeting on 11/24 that I was deeply concerned that Dr. Lotan was planning on failing me in practicum at the quarter.

Letter of Concern Received

On that same day, November 24th, Dr. Lotan mailed me a letter saying that she had these concerns and was invoking the Guidelines. Her reasons were:

• Tardiness
• Late assignments
• Failure to “authentically reflect”
• Classmates complaining about me
• Instructors concerns

With the exception of a brief mention of my classmates’ complaints, none of these issues had been mentioned in our meeting of 11/17. In fact, after our meeting, I told Dr. Lotan I had to be late to class (Heterogeneous Classrooms) because our meeting had run long and I had forty dollars worth of snacks for the math cohort that I had to pick up. This would have been the obvious time for Dr. Lotan to object to my tardiness, yet she didn’t mention it. The letter of 11/24 was entirely disconnected from the meeting of 11/17; the letter didn’t even mention her purported concerns about my professionalism. This, coupled with the focus that [Supervisor] had placed on“professionalism”, led me to fear that Dr. Lotan was seeking to manufacture evidence on two different grounds for expelling me or in some way refusing me a credential.

Another confusing omission from the list is my supervisor’s concerns about my lack of professionalism. At this point, [Supervisor] has met with Dr. Lotan (both confirm this), and while Dr. Lotan denied on 11/17 that she knew what my professionalism rating was, she knew that [Supervisor] was going to express dissatisfaction. Moreover, Dr. Lotan mentions my failure to “authentically reflect”, a concern that clearly indicates conversation with [Supervisor]. Ultimately, Dr. Lotan gave me the lowest possible grade in practicum based on [Supervisor]’s concerns.

All of this raises the question: why did not Dr. Lotan mention, in a letter about my suitability for teaching, her and my supervisor‘s stated concerns about professionalism? One possibility is that she didn’t think of it, which doesn’t reflect well upon her analysis of my situation. The more disturbing possibility is that she was holding the professionalism concerns back to use as “new” evidence against me when she decides to escalate to the next level of the Guidelines.

I don’t know why Dr. Lotan left this issue off of her letter, but it is in keeping with her puzzling and inconsistent behavior at this time.

Meeting of December 10

Dr. Lotan, Dean Callan, and I met about these concerns on December 10. Dr. Lotan acknowledged the following:

• While she kept attendance logs, she had no idea if other instructors kept logs and had not checked with those instructors prior to writing the letter. Her class attendance was not logged while she was out with her illness. In any event, Dr. Lotan acknowledged that she did not know if any tardiness of mine was substantively worse than any other STEP student. She also acknowledged that she had never mentioned my purported tardiness as a problem, either verbally or in writing--not even in the meeting the week before, when she says she was discussing “feedback” from my instructors and fellow students at STEP.
  
• While Dr. Lotan’s letter said that my “assignments” were late, she acknowledged that I had only (to her knowledge) submitted three overdue reflections. She acknowledged that reflections are a tiny percentage of the bulk of the work we did that fall quarter, and that she had no idea whether or not I’d submitted my other assignments on time. In my view, Dr. Lotan’s characterization of my reflections as “assignments” was extremely misleading, deliberately so in order to give the impression that I was an irresponsible student who turned in a majority of assignments late.
  
• Dr. Lotan acknowledged that she had not done any comparison to determine if my reflections were later than other STEP students. She acknowledged that she did not know whether my supervisor had told me that the reflections were due within 48 hours after the observation (he had not), nor whether he held his other supervisory student to the same standard (he had not). She acknowledged that I had never been told that there was a problem. In fact, as I told her, I had canvassed other STEP students, and many of them were unaware that reflections were to be turned in 48 hours after the observations--and many of them hadn’t done so.
  
• Dr. Lotan said she was extremely upset about a meeting she heard third hand about between me and my supervisor, in which I had “raised my voice”. Dr. Lotan agreed that she had never discussed the meeting with me to hear what had happened and thus confirmed that she hadn’t followed the Guidelines.
  
• Dr. Lotan made vague reference to other “instructors’ concerns”, but was not specific.
  
• Dr. Lotan told me that my fellow students found me “domineering and intimidating”. When I pressed her for details, she came up with the following:
  
  • One student anonymously wrote that I made section “intolerable”.
    
  • Several students asked not to sit next to me in practicum. Dr. Lotan explicitly said she had no idea why they had asked to be moved—in fact, she became quite angry when I assumed that they’d asked because I was domineering or intolerable. I asked Dr. Lotan why she was including these students, when she had no idea if they’d asked to move because I was domineering. Wasn’t it not only possible, but likely, that the students asked to move because they didn’t approve of my views? Dr. Lotan stared at me for close to twenty seconds before admitting that she didn’t know.
    
  • Dr. Lotan said that several students complained about me in the “November check-in”. When I asked how many, she didn’t say. When I asked why they had complained, she was not specific.
  
  

  In all cases, Dr. Lotan was referring to students who objected to my behavior in class. She was not charging me with inappropriate behavior towards other students. In fact, I have never had even minor disputes with any of my fellow students. Dr. Lotan is charging me with being unsuited for the practice of teaching based solely on a small number of student complaints about my classroom discourse. At no point has an instructor reprimanded me for any inappropriate behavior. In most of our classes we have to raise our hands and be acknowledged before we speak, which means that much of my supposedly inappropriate speech is done at the instructor’s approval. An instructor who wanted to limit my comments could simply refuse to call on me.

Dr. Lotan has no significant evidence about the other two charges of tardiness and late “assignments” (read reflections), and in the meeting it was clear that she regarded the charge about my classmates as the most severe of the ones facing me.

In the meeting, I told Dr. Lotan that I expressly rejected her charges, and that even if she had data to support them (which she didn’t), they were insufficient grounds to declare me unsuited for the practice of teaching. I also told both Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan that I would not be meeting with either of them again about this without a lawyer present.

Letter to STEP Classmates

The day after the meeting, I sent a letter to my classmates, which also serves as a more detailed description of the 12/10 meeting. My letter had several purposes. First, rumors had been running around for a while, and I wanted to confirm them.

I also wanted to make sure that everyone knew about the situation. Dr. Lotan focuses on the students who complain about me, but had she surveyed the class for those who like and respect me, I believe she would have gotten a much larger response. I’m much older than all my other classmates and don’t socialize with them much, but am still probably among the top five in name recognition--that is, far more students know who I am than I know who they are, and more of that recognition is positive than negative (again, this is my impression). Many students who didn’t know about my troubles would be interested and in some cases dismayed to hear about what was going on. If I was to be expelled, I wanted to be sure that everyone knew about it.

Finally, I wanted to respond to those who had complained about me. I knew that complaints were occurring, but had never addressed it because no one did it to me directly. I thought my tone was mildly reproachful but also understanding. Still, even if someone perceived it as more critical, it should be noted that these are students who have complained about me as being “domineering” (in class, not to them) and “intolerable” and demanded not to sit next to me. Surely, this constitutes significant criticism of me. I was only giving them my views of the criticism and the manner in which it had been delivered.

Warning Letter

A week later, Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan sent me a second letter that I didn‘t receive until December 29th. In that letter, they said that I was “hostile, argumentative, and insulting” in our 12/10 meeting. I was certainly not insulting. I did not unquestioningly accept their charges that I was “unsuited for the practice of teaching”, which they undoubtedly perceived as both hostile and argumentative. I deny this. I did contest their assertions by asking for evidence, which time and again Dr. Lotan acknowledged didn’t exist. If they’d wanted me not to contest their evidence, they should have brought a better case. I don’t see why I am to be deemed argumentative or hostile merely because my questions forced them to admit they had no evidence.

They also said that my email message to my fellow students (presumably forwarded to them) “instructed them on how they should in future respond to my demeanor in the classroom.” I am puzzled at their characterization of this passage, here:

"For those of you who wish to continue requesting that you not sit with me in practicum, make sure you mention the reason so that Rachel can build her case for the next time we do our little dance. "Rachel, I do not want to sit next to Michele in practicum. It has nothing to do with her views; she's just an domineering, overbearing bitch." DOB. We could print up cards or something. Don't Sit Me Next to the DOB!”

I can only assume that Dean Callan and Dr. Lotan missed the expressly humorous (albeit with a touch of the gallows) tone here. I am telling my classmates that Dr. Lotan had been frustrated by the hole in her evidence and so, if they want to help her get rid of me, they need to be more specific when they are complaining about me. I do not believe this can be reasonably construed as a serious instruction on how the class was to respond to me. In fact, I end the letter by making it clear that my classmates can decide for themselves how they can respond:

“I'll continue being me, and those of you who feel uncomfortable can maybe learn how to speak up. Or not. Your call.”

Their letter also charges that my email “could have the effect of silencing those who are wary of confronting [me] directly” and that I “have not considered that [my] actions could have a chilling effect on other students’ ability to express themselves freely.”

I find this charge simply absurd. I have no authority at Stanford. My views are not only in the minority; in some cases I am the only person who openly acknowledges having these opinions, most of which directly conflict with those of the professors and instructors. I have no history of browbeating classmates, either in class or out. Surely, the normal view of academic freedom involves protecting the minority from abuse of power or the “chilling effect” of the majority opinion?

If Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan feel my letter was inappropriate, they have yet to provide grounds for that judgment. As they say in their letter, students “should be able to express themselves through any appropriate channel”. I chose to express myself politely through email. This again suggests that Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan hold me to very different standards than other classmates. The obvious reason for the different standard is that Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan agree with the complaining students. But that’s not sufficient reason for the varying standards.

The letter also included a long “laundry list” of general objectives that I must demonstrate in order to avoid going to the next, “informal” step of the Guidelines procedure. There were nine items on the list. Only two of them were related to Dr. Lotan’s expressed “concerns” in her letter of 11/24.

1. “Work as a team with STEP faculty, staff, peers, university supervisor as well as cooperating teachers and colleagues at your placement site.”—Not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.
2. “Develop and maintain an openness to learning and self-criticism”-- Not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.
3. “Assess your development as a teacher by seeking out and accepting corrective and critical feedback from instructors, colleagues, cooperating teacher and university supervisor.”—Not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.
4. “Develop and maintain an openness to learning and self-criticism.”—Not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.
5. “Avoid unnecessary personal and professional conflicts related to STEP.”—I have never had personal or professional conflicts related to STEP. My only conflicts have involved STEP staff ([Supervisor], DCP, Dr. Lotan) blindsiding me with shocking criticisms they’ve never before mentioned, and my stunned reaction to them. The students who apparently complained about me were doing so based entirely on my classroom discourse. This list included no directives regarding classroom discourse, the only issue with others that Dr. Lotan mentioned in her letter.
6. “Submit assignments by the deadline”—as mentioned, this is deliberately misleading. Dr. Lotan already acknowledged that the only late assignments were all reflections. By expanding the charge, she is distorting the nature of her concern and misrepresenting my academic record—to say nothing of holding me to a standard other STEP candidates aren’t held to.
7. “Analyze and reflect on your teaching and your curriculum to understand what contributes to student learning.”—not only is this not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter, but any review of my assignments make it clear that I spend a great deal of focus on what contributes to student learning.
8. “Use observations of veteran teachers to improve your teaching and extend your learning.”—Not mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.
9. “Attend class on time”—finally, even though I am being held to a standard that no other student is held to, I am given a specific objective that was also mentioned in the original “concerns” letter.

This list of faux “objectives” only served to confirm my belief that Dr. Lotan intends to withhold recommendation. The list is not specific. It has no metrics. Violations can be easily construed.

This letter convinced me to file the grievances. Dr. Lotan and Dean Callan are willing to expel me from the program or deny me a credential based on their personal feelings and distaste for my views, not my academic or teaching credibility. They clearly had no interest in giving me specific and concrete steps to improve, even given the bizarrely inadequate criteria they used to deem me unsuited for teaching.

Response to Charges

The charge that I am unsuited to the practice of teaching based on the unsupported—and extremely trivial—items that Dr. Lotan provided is insulting, demeaning, and shocking. Dr. Lotan has made a mockery of the entire Guidelines process by using it for such an overt attempt to push me out for views that she finds offensive or discourse she finds unappealing.

I am incredibly troubled that I can be deemed unfit for teaching simply because some classmates don’t like me, with their dislike based solely on my classroom discourse. The fact that many classmates respect me is deemed irrelevant. In fact, I hope I’m not being too optimistic when I say I am well regarded in STEP and am certainly well known, if only for my contrarian views. Many students stop and ask me about my views at parties or in small conversations, just because they want to test out their thoughts.

Dr. Lotan says she is troubled by my views and by my method of discourse. I suspect Dr. Lotan believes that a straightforward statement of opinion, unqualified by an interrogatory voice (lifting at the end of each sentence) or sufficient qualifiers, is domineering and unpleasant. Undoubtedly, she finds me unlikable. A number of STEP candidates have observed that Dr. Lotan views most STEP students as her children, not as adults capable of self-governance, and this is why she is so solicitous of any problems with me. I agree with this characterization. I do not find any of these reasons to be adequate for declaring me unsuited for teaching.

I have been teaching and tutoring for nearly six years as a private instructor. I have worked with students at every socio-economic level. I teach English composition to Asian immigrant and native-born high-school students, I have achieved extraordinary success at improving the test scores of low income African American and Hispanic students, and I want to teach in public schools so that I can broaden the range of students I can reach. I am a committed teacher and no one—not even Dr. Lotan—has denied that I have evidenced excellent teaching skills. That I can assert these facts about myself does not make me unwilling to learn, arrogant, closed to criticism or certain of my own perfection as a teacher.

Dr. Lotan’s stated concerns rest entirely on issues that she perceives with me as a STEP student and with my views. She has made no effort to determine if these purported behaviors are carried through to my placement (which they have not). If in fact I get along well with my colleagues at my placement school, show up on time, and turn in all my paperwork and tasks in a timely manner at my placement, then surely this should be considerably more relevant to my suitability to teaching than whether or not I am tardy to class (assuming she can ever back up that charge) or my fellow students “don’t like me”.